Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
