I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
