i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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