Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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