at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
All I want is dick and wine.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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