Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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