Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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