Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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