I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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