why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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