does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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