It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
