this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
