I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
