Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
