I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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