Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Please, let me fuck your mom
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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