end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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