Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
