if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
