4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
