the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
