He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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