Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
