why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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