Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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