i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
soo... how was my night?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
