I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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