Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We are two peas in an std pod
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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