i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
