you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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