I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
