Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
