we have officially lost it.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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