my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
