If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
