chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
