Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
