Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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