i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
