It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
