i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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