how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
last night I used snow as a chaser
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
