no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
