Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
