I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
