mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Please, let me fuck your mom
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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