I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
