Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
