you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
