so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
