I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
