Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
