Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
