It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
why do cheetos always look like penises
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
