I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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